So, my coordination is not great at the best of times.  I have terrible handwriting, I have problems with buttons, and I slip and fall a lot.  Especially in winter.

This last weekend while trying on dress pants I had to try to explain, that my problem with the buttons on the pants was unrelated to the pants size, but due to the fact that despite pushing 30 I still have problems doing up buttons.  Pointing it out repeatedly, like while shopping only makes me more flustered, and makes the buttons harder.

Similarly due to the slip and fall issue, combined with insanely slippery conditions, I walk a bit slower, and take shorter steps than most.  It takes me longer to get inside, and yes, I am cold, but walking faster and falling takes more time so I take it slowly.  Unless someone I know comes up while I am walking in and tries to walk with me.  Honestly, it may seem nice, but it really ruins my walk in.  I am doing a half run with my smaller steps, desperately trying not to fall over, while making small talk. You slow down and they will slow down to be considerate, but I know they must resent the extra time in the cold.   Then they want to walk straight upstairs so I can’t stop on re-adjust my bag, which is fairly useless, but its my new routine when i get to work.  They won’t leave, and so either I am inconvenient, or inconvenienced. The changing the routine throws off my entire morning.  I am slowly adjusting my routine to optimize for traffic times, so that i spend the least time in traffic, it makes me work an extra 15-30 mins a day, but I figure I can make a routine of leaving earlier on Friday’s and stretch my weekend a bit.

But I digress, basically its really hard to explain to someone you have the coordination of a 5 year old.  That when your first task at a new job is sample engraving on tiny samples you cringe.  That you can’t walk faster, must hold the handrail, and no I can’t button as fast as you button.  I hate having to work around things that other people take for granted.

For years in school I hated gym, because everyone knew how much I sucked at, well, everything.  Can’t throw, can’t catch, can’t run without tripping, and its the one aspect of school they let everyone watch you.  Like its okay to see someone fail at throwing and laugh, but when they have problems with math or English.  You also seem to be allowed to take great pride in being better at sports than other people, but you can’t similarly brag about being better than everyone at reading. I have actually been told not to point that out to people, because it makes them feel bad.  It just makes me wonder why physical coordination is treated differently, it basically made me hate it, and by extension exercise, which hasn’t helped much in adult life.

Anyways, here I am, hoping no one I know will show up at the same time as me tomorrow.



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