So today was light on the workload. When I say light, I mean it was ridiculous, had 4 hours with nothing to do. So of course, I spent that time worrying.
My index finger feels funny, someone said that diabetes causes numbness and tingling in the extremities. Oh my god, my foot is tingling too. Oh no, I have diabetes. Then in a few minutes it was like, wait, no, dry skin, really dry on the finger tip. That’s what the weird sensation is. Did I cause my foot to tingle by thinking of tingling extremities, probably. In fact writing this right now made it feel tingly again.
I will leave early, there might be traffic. I will stay later, I am bored. I will check my cell phone, what if they think I spend all day on my phone. I will email my friend, a few emails back and forth later, what if this gets flagged and we get in trouble for it. The entire day of work was like this. Then I actually came home.
Once I got home I ended up worrying I was using the wrong beef out of the freezer to make dinner, I was, but was interrupted before I got too far in. What if I don’t have time to read tonight, seriously, I could go now. Wait, parents are leaving Saturday, what if they are upset I don;t spent time with them before they leave. It was exhausting.
Then I have my hypochondria by proxy, when I got home I was bored, re-watching an old TV show. It feels like my cats stomach is twitching, is she sick, should I take her to the vet. Then I had to refill her food, but since I am switching her to new stuff, is it going to make her throw up, diarrhea, what if she wont eat it…..
Now I am writing this with 45 mins before bed and a list of 5 things that have to be done before bed that will consume at least 20 mins, and I am worrying I will take to long to read and not have enough time to sleep.
On a lighter note, overall the intensity of my anxiety has decreased. I think that this may be in part due to more sleep, more reading, and maybe even more water. First week it was a cup of coffee in the morning and a water bottle from 6am-7pm. Now its 2-3 cups of herbal tea, half a water bottle, and the cup of coffee. It could just be the increase in water helped my dry skin, so the lack of itchiness isn’t setting me on edge. But whatever it is, its great