So with the exception of a few hours on Saturday, things have been great on the anxiety front. I completely forgot about the whole carbon monoxide thing, no back pain, new shoes have been great, finally figured out how to do my work project.
Then there was tonight. I was lightheaded, and for about a minute one of my fingers went numb. I will point out I was panicking about the lightheadedness when the finger went numb, that I had been poisoned, or was having a stroke. So I am not sure how seriously to take that. But now as you may imagine I am losing it. I don’t eat great, so it could be vitamin B deficiency, actually, I once had a blood test that came back like that a few years ago. It could be that I spent an hour in the car and got CO poisoning, or that I sat in a prone position with my arm bent for an hour, and that my blood pressure dropped when I got out. I had a tension headache from grinding my teeth yesterday, that is known to reduce bloodflow, this could be a residual effect. I also know that while I drank ok today, I didnt drink nearly enough the last two days, I could be dehydrated. Especially given that I had an unscheduled coffee, and took some extra bathroom breaks today. Not cause I am diabetic (other possible cause), but because I was bored, and peeing was a good reason to leave my desk. While I am overweight and on birth control, there are many other things this could be other than a stroke, but this is where my brain goes. When I think about it all the possibilites and how I could be dying my face feels slightly numb, which in this case I am positive is anxiety, as I don;t have the slurrred speech a numb face would give, and I have had facial numbess from anxiety when worrying about a stroke before (hypochondriac here). It helps to realize that everytime I stop thinking about my face it feels better. The worst part is I don’t know if I actually triggered this, like sometimes I can look and realize I was thinking about CO poisoning before I got symptoms, and while I dont recall doing that, its entirely possible. So much so my Mom actually asked if I was thinking about carbon monoxide when I got dizzy.
Right now I am sitting in the basement shaking, half from it being cool, half from the adrenaline I once again feel in my toes. While the dizziness passed quickly, I now feel off. I have had this before, the off feeling, not the dizziness and in the past it has been anxiety related. For once google searching has been my friend, tons of people have had a finger go numb before with no apparent reason, and never found out why. A few people were told it was a migraine, as they can occur without a headache. I drank a glass of water, had dinner, and took two ibuprofen. Now I have to pee every five minutes, have borderline diarrhea and my nose is runny, anxiety is wonderful isn’t it.
If it comes back or gets worse I am going to have to head to the hospital, and one of my worst fears with the hypochondria is that some day I am going to rush to the hospital for one of my made up ailments. Overall just expressing this has made me feel better, I think not being able to share all this with anyone has made it worse, keeping all these feelings pent up. Overall I am glad I started this blog, and for now I am going to try and read for a bit and see if I can distract myself and probably “cure” my problems.