Overall today was actually a good day for anxiety, hypochondria, and Aspergers. Even though I had to get up earlier to go to work and stay late, even that I don’t have my water scheduling worked in yet. There were a few glitches though, and they had to do with plan and routine changes.
I got up early, so i had to shower in the 10 minutes between my parents showers, so I couldn’t get dressed in the bathroom. I didn’t factor in oven pre-heating time, so my samples were delayed. And lastly, my mother didn’t make bruschetta for dinner. The last of these of course is the most ridiculous. She did cook dinner, even made me a lunch, but dinner wasn’t bruschetta. We had talked yesterday and agreed to have it today, and I didn’t really want it, but it was planned. Having that plan disrupted really through me off.
Getting this blog started meant scheduling in time to write this, right after my parents go to bed. Most things in my life are scheduled, some a little more last minute than others, but usually I can give you a pretty good plan of my day a few days in advance. This is how I work. There are routines for morning, and getting home, weekend versions and weekday versions, and then there are daily plans for tasks that vary more regularly. When something messes with my plan, a person or event, its like my world goes off kilter. It causes anxiety, and upset, and I often become irrationally upset over what is something very minor….because it changed the plan. I usually try to stop, take a breath, and re-organize my day.
But really, its hard to explain that you aren’t upset you are eating chicken, you didn’t want bruschetta, but you thought you were eating it, and not eating it is upsetting. Like when someone shows up very late, or early, or comes to your house and doesn’t bring what they said they would. I don’t care if you bring coffee, but when you say you are bringing it, in my little world that is a commitment.
I am trying to be more flexible, especially in social situations, but its hard. Often rather than trying to get everyone to go for lunch AT 12, I feel it would be easier to just eat alone at my desk, because I could easily do that everyday. But then I would finish my co-op knowing no one, and that is kind of a waste. Overall I think I need to keep trying, and remember, just because the plan changes, it doesn’t mean its the end of the world.