So this isn’t the first time I have written about getting stuck in traffic, but it’s something that is really hard for me. I know, its hard for everyone, but there are aspects that I feel make it worse given my various issues.
First there is the anxiety. I spend the entire time worrying about how late I am going to be for work. Is the road slippery, and after the accident a few weeks ago, is someone going to rear end me. I try to relax, but I basically spend the entire drive in tense and hyperaware. As you can imagine I am fairly wound up by the time I get to work, and then exhausted, because what people often leave out about anxiety is that it is absolutely exhausting to maintain.
The second part is just being in the car that long. I don’t do the car well. If I have to, I can go for a long drive, but I want to know how long its going to take when I leave. This thing where traffic hot spots pop up make it impossible for me to judge how long it will take, and that sets me on edge. I can’t move, and as I have said earlier, that is really hard as well. Not being able to get up and take a break.
The third part, is specific to winter driving, and that is the temperature. I exist happily at low temperatures. Not freezing like it is now, but when I get warm, I get really on edge. And to keep the windshield clean and visibility high, turning down the heat isn’t an option. I basically drive to work miserable. And when I get stuck in traffic, its worse.
Basically driving is one of those situations where very little is directly under your control, which may sound odd from behind the wheel of a car capable of a great deal of destruction should something go wrong. But you cant control the weather, the traffic, or the other drivers, and for me that makes driving an extremely unpleasant task. Its only done as often as it is, as its significantly less unpleasant than taking the bus.