So I haven’t posted this week, and that has been due in large part to a sudden, completely random illness that has popped up. Yesterday I woke up early, to get to work on time, spent 2 hours in traffic getting there, and didn’t feel well.
I assumed when I got up, it was because I was tired. It wasn’t. I spent my entire day going between nausea, and cramps. There was a wonderful hour from 2-3:30 where I felt completely ok, but other than that I was fairly useless. Between feeling horrible, and accomplishing little, I spent a good portion of the day worrying that everyone would notice how little I had managed to work on, and of course that I was dying, from a list of ailments ranging from appendicitis to a heart attack.
What you also have to understand is that I couldn’t go home sick. This wasn’t a “sticking it out” thing, there was freezing rain from 11-2:30, I literally could not go home without risking an accident. And since I felt like shit, and could barely manage data entry, I felt driving was left until I felt better.
When I got up this morning I resisted taking the sick day. Been there only 5 weeks, what if I get up in and hour and feel fine. Ultimately I realized that since I wasn’t hungry at all, and I hadn’t eaten in 18 hours, my stomach probably was still a bit out of sorts. I slept in till 10:30, which given that I went to bed 6:30 the night before, was probably an indicator that not going to work was a good plan. Now I am feeling way better, still a bit off though, and twice I have considered heading in.
Really though, I shouldn’t. The last thing I need to do is get all ready to go in, get there, and then feel worse. I need to go in tomorrow, so by resting today, it makes going in tomorrow, recovered, way more likely. As like most people with anxiety, I focus on the negatives. So now I am going to take a minute to force myself to review the positives/neutral ideas.
One, everyone gets sick, no one will really blame me for this. Two, I am sure the people at work rather I stay home than come in and possibly infect them. Three, I held it together yesterday. I was at work all day, feeling like shit, and I got what needed to be done, done. I didn’t cry, whine, complain, I sucked it up…until I got home and basically self destructed. Four, I should be fine to go to work tomorrow, will be working a bit of overtime, which will help make up for today. And Five, I have flex hours, I can make this up, and really i dont have to. I only have a number of hours to work, plus an optional extension. If I don’t make those hours, NO one cares. I am going to go now, and risk eating something. Hopefully this time tomorrow I am in the middle of an 11 hour shift, feeling fine.