So, I don’t tell people that I have problems with anxiety, because they don’t get it. I even tried to explain it to a behavioral therapist, and the didn’t even really get it. It’s not just worrying, it’s not that I can’t calm my self down, because usually I can.
Anxiety is worrying about everything. It’s worrying that the snowstorm on Thursday will make you late for work, that you will fall down the stairs, that people think you didn’t work hard enough today. It’s that one second of overwhelming panic that makes your stomach roll, and shoots adrenaline through your body so fast you can feel it in your toes, as your heart skips a beat, and you can’t breath. It becomes about worrying about having anxiety, and that you will be worrying later.
It can be utterly and completely overwhelming, and often exhausting just knowing that this is who you are. You can work on it, try coping techniques, but its never going to be as easy for you as it is for other people. You are never going to be the person who walks out the front door without checking you have locked it, and you have your cell, and wallet….twice. It’s hard, and I find that while people seem to be more understanding with depression, and by understanding I mean admitting it exists and assuming its 100% chemical even when it isn’t, people seem to trivialize anxiety. I don;t think they realize how hard it can be sometimes getting up and realizing they are going to be confronting a thousand imaginary fears can be, because they don’t feel imaginary.