I worry, a lot, about everything.  This week has been a particular series of “Did I lock the door” moments.  Specifically the front door and the car door.  I have gone back to check more than once, and actually ended up 5 minutes late because of this.

I can try, but truly fail to be able to describe the feeling of dread I get at the idea of an unlocked door.  A forgotten item can ruin my day.  Not because the item it’s self is missing, but actually forgetting it is what bothers me.

More recently with my new job I am trying to make a good impression on the people I work with.  Basically the idea is that people you like, you are more likely to hire later.  So I worry, do they like me.

Am I boring them?  Am I talking about something too long?  Am I repeating myself?Am I making weird gestures?  Am I biting my nails?  Am I compulsively checking things? Do they think I am strange?

The answer to these questions some people find in reading body language, I don’t.  I can’t tell until someone is physically moving away from me, if they are being bored.  I often tap a finger, twirl my hair, shift awkwardly, and 99% of the time I don’t even realize I am doing it.  And when we walk together I spend most my time trying to follow small talk well enough to laugh at the appropriate moments, while all the time paying attention to my feet so I don’t trip.

When I get home at the end of the day people ask why I don’t go out, date, spend time with friends.  Its hard to explain I just spent 8 hours using every bit of energy I had to do what seems to come naturally to everyone else.  Basically, I want to curl up with my book and read until bed.

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