No, I am not going crazy, I don’t believe anyone has been replaced by a robot. I do believe sometimes that I could be though.
Some days, good days, and/or days spent with close friends, I am all there. I am laughing, and telling jokes and I am picking up on all the humor in the situation. Simply put, I am 100% on the ball. This isn’t most days.
Most days I sit listening to other people speak. I wait, I hear someone say something I have an interest in, or a related story. I wait for a long enough pause and I tell it. Simply put it is robotic in nature. Flag key words, insert comment/anecdote now. If pause continues after, make additional comment.
Sometimes I look and I wonder if anyone really had any interest in what I said, especially when I am at work. I don’t really know these people, I don’t really want to talk to them, I rather read my book. I do however want a job here after I graduate, and I have been told people hire people they like, and who are social. So basically I am attempting to be social, and I wonder how much of what I say comes off as normal, how much is a little weird, or if they can tell I have them on robot auto-response.
Working summer jobs, bad summer jobs, taking caps off. I took caps off, mention my capping experience. Continue with weird math issue coworker had at that job. Getting strange look, shut up and listen to other persons story. Did I say something wrong?
As I said, there are days I am there, I am just talking and laughing, and enjoying myself. But most days social interaction is like it is above, a thought out process which is more an obligation than an actual desire to interact. One thing I was glad for, was that is was Friday, and today I can sit at home in my PJ’s and read to my hearts content.
Losing It Slowly 