So I have been feeling like shit all day. I am pretty sure it’s all in my head because when I woke up I didn’t feel bad till I was a bit more awake and started to question if I still felt like shit today. It also goes away the second I get distracted with anything. But since I have the day off I have little to distract me. I just haven’t been able to get going today and it sucks. 12 hours of sleep later I really can’t go to bed early because I know sleeping more is just going to make things worse. Hopefully things are going to get better tomorrow
Yesterday and today are my last days of work. I have a ton of things to get done, and 2 days of all day meetings. This has put me in an anxiety tailspin.
I spent most my day bored waiting for breaks to run around and finish things. So in those periods of boredom there is panic. I was biting on my lip when it felt tingly and I nearly had a panic attack in my meeting.
So far this the third near panic attack I have had in these meetings. Yesterday I had a near miss when I realized my report was due today. And it’s cold in here, so I am borderline shaking from the arendalone overload and am chilly.
I also almost cried on the phone with a service rep abouy my car cause the department I was trying to reach wouldn’t answer the phone. I think too little sleep is probably the culprit. With 13/17 hours required for the last 2 days and a backlog of not sleeping over the month, I feel like 90% of this will be gone in a few days.
So a few minutes ago my lip felt slightly warm. I panicked. I felt like I couldn’t breath. Then everything felt off. I am randomly felt tingly in my face and fingers. Even now I feel it at random.
This could be something, but it’s likely panic and I hate that I have no way of knowing the difference. I can’t tell if I sick or psycho and it seems so unfair to me that other people don’t have to deal with this. That they can just tell if they are OK are not. And given that these symptoms dissappear when I fort about them I think it’s all in my head. Sadly for once I am hoping it’s really anxiety and that I not like dying. May be updating later if thid keeps going on.
Just finished celebrating my 30th. Everyone has gone home and I am still a little too wired to sleep, but half dead. The perfect recept for paranoia and anxiety
So now every twinge and tingle is something ominous and I am seriously wondering if trying to sleep would be better than trying to wind down a bit first.
The only good news is that it just passed midnight so technically I got a very low anxiety day for my birthday.
So that minor finger numbness thing I had a while back. That I completely freaked out about and tge doctor said was probably nothing. It happened again. Today with a little facial numbness in my lip. So the good news is I am not crazy, it is something. The bad news is that it’s something.
It happened again while laying in the same position after waking up, which makes me wonder if the positioning is what’s causing it. Actally I stopped sleeping on that side after last time for quite a while, then continued bit dojng it due to knee pain. I have started sleeping on that side repeatedly only for the last 2 weeks maybe. So I king of wondering if this is in part because of that.
So really I should actually be at the doctor today, but I can’t. It’s the 3rd to last day I work here. I NEED this reference. I have spent too long unemployed, and done too much to get part being fired 4 positions ago to get the 3 references I need without people wanting to call that fourth job to screw it up by missing a day at the end. Besides, the doctor who said to come back if it happened again only is in on Thursday’s so I can’t see her till then anyways.
So for now I panic. Like nose running, bathroom every 5 minutes, scalp tinging panic. I am trying to distract myself, To calm down, but I have such boring work to do its hard.
A second reason I didn’t go in today is that tomorrow is my birthday? And if it happens again I will have to go in, but otherwise I rather not have to cancel my 30th birthday party due to health problems. I no longer experieCingular any numbness, it was gone in less than 6 mins, and I only feel any weirdness when I think about it, so it’s like all in my head. I am also super anxious about getting stuff done for my party tomorrow. It’s gonna be a long day.
So my morning started with me sleeping in an extra hour. I should day over sleeping. So I woke up late, with a headache. So I am panicking because I have less than 2 weeks left, so not much flexibility in showing up late. I ho up try to stay calm and start making lunch. Where Ian age to knocks entire cupboards worth of tuperware on the floor and still don’t have what I need.
Since I don’t have time to clean up I left it like that. I grabbed one if of tge dishwasher. It was clean, but wet. So I went to dry it only to find it had dripped on tge floor creating a puddle I then slipped in and fell in.
I finally left 45 mins late and may have to stay late tonight to make it up. Not tge best way to start your day.
So I was doing pretty well. My knee was middling, except when I thought about it. Decided to make a doctors appointment for September, and to go in only if it still hurt then.
Then I spent the drive home talking to my grandmother. Her boyfriend, has a blood lot. By the time I got home my leg felt swollen and hot. So I finally got up and looked. It’d not swollen, hot, or red. So it’s not actually a blood clot.
Logically I know that, but practically it’s still bothering me. Like I still feel like its hit and swollen unless I am actually touching it. So I took some aspirin and sat down in a lazy boy so it’s a bit elevated. I have pans tomorrow so unless it’s like falling off I am still going. Gonna have a hard time getting to sleep tonight though.
So this morning I finished etching my samples. Meaning my etching days are over.No more HF worry. AZ far as delayed symptoms, HF can take up to 8 hours to take effect, I realized since it’s mixed with nitric acid, I would actually get nitric acid burns on the surface. So I definitely did not gef any on me.
My only panic is that I smelt something acrid in the lab for a second which I feared to be HF. It wasmodt likely thr metjanol vapor. Again I realized I would feel the other acids first. Need to keep distracting myself so that I don’t psychosomatically get symptoms, and if 8 to get symptoms I will know they are real and go to medical.