So last night’s panic was not as unreasonable as I originally assumed. When I was trying to go to sleep it kept feeling like I was moving. Basically I have vertigo. This ultimately drove me up the wall till now. Its slightly better now, and I have of course been worrying about it all day.
Ultimately I realized that it’s my period, and once I Googled that with vertigo I realized that while it’s not extrodinarily common, it’s not really rare either. So I am suddenly much less worried. I am hopeful I will feel well enough to go to ottawa tomorrow. I ultimately had to shift my trip by one day.
So tomorrow I am going on a road trip. Which means tonight I panic. I find this experience hard to describe to those without anxiety as even as I say it I feel stupid.
My lips are dry, so I rub Vaseline on and they tingle. I worry I am having a stroke. My fingers feel a little tingly, I realize I compressing my ulnar nerve. J stop it goes away, I worry I am having a stroke.
I have packed and repacked my purse, and changed my arranged outfit a few tones. My nose is running and I am going to tge bathroom ever few minutes.
So I roll over suddenly and feel a little light headed and I panic. Jump up and am slightly off kilter. Now I panic. As I Scio the litter I panic more. By te time I head to the washroom I gagging even though I am not dizzy, off kilter or nauseated.
Usually a would read a bit but it is already late and I really need to get to bed . So I am going to drink some water and go to bed and hope like hell I wake up to be in the morning.
The worst part is I was doing so well. Didn’t worry about the trip until tonight. I had one, what I’d something happens and u can’t go thought and now an hour later I am a complete mess.
So I got a call to go in for my test results. Which means they found something, otherwise they don’t call back. I was assured it was non-urgent, because when it is they actually schedule you a follow up immediately. And they tested for like everything, so it could be anything. I can’t even call till 10 to make the follow up appointment which means suffering through this entire class while worrying about making an appointment.
While logically I know it can’t be serious or they would have recalled me immediately I am extremely anxious now.
So I am actually sick at the moment. No, not blood test, neurologist sick, but I have a cold, and am in dental about having one. I am at my grandmother’s place right now and if I have a cold I shouldn’t go see my friend tomorrow. But I will have driven 4 hours to do so.
So for once I am sick and am trying not to be.
So I went to the doctor. Ultimately she said that I likely pinned a nerve in my arm. The face could be anxiety, or since I have been leaning on my hand that could have temporarily impacted my face muscle.
However, to be on the safe side she ran the full battery of tests. A complete blood work up, and a referral for a neurologist who would follow up if I had any more problems. I haven’t called the neurologist yet. I thought I would wait a week before I even made the call, because it will be at least 2 weeks before I get the blood work back, and I really would like to have those results in hand.
Basically she said if it were something, diabetes, thyroid, iron, B12, were WAYYYY more likely to be the cause of any problems than a mini-stroke. As my blood pressure was slightly high, which she said was common for someone 3/4 of the way through a coffee and anxious about a medical appointment, as an afterthought she decided to throw in a ECG (or EKG). So I walk into the nurses office for the ECG, and she asked if I was having chest pains. Well I wasn’t, BEFORE, but I have been since, of course. Because hypochondria sucks like that. I also have a massive bruise from the blood test.
This is all been amplified by the never ending construction around my school. Between the continuous noise and the ever changing paths I have to take to get to my classes which have been destroying my routine. And as many of you know, routing is everything.
So today is the day of my doctors appointment. When I leave this appointment I will likely have confirmed nothing is wrong with me, and have a prescription for my annual blood tests.
Right now though I waiting. Ever since I got home last night I have been worrying about today. What if it is something? And now sitting in the waiting room it’s a million times worst.
I have even started worrying about follow up events. What if they want to test blood sugar. You have to fast fir that. But the lab doesn’t open till 10. So either I wait two weeks to go on a day I can come in for 10, or I cone for an 8:30 class and don’t eat from 5:30-10. Which from par experience leaves me dizzy and nauseated.
Right now the doctors waiting area is beside a construction zone with a jack hammer and the steady loud noise like a ticking click is driving me absolutely nuts as I am waiting for an appointment that is already 5 mins late. I am the first appointment of the day.
So ever since my mother mentioned that whole breathing thing I have been paranoid. So now I feel like my fingernails are always blue. It’s driving me nuts.
I am writing this on the way to go wedding dress shopping and I am worried about my fingernails.
So my mother asked if I was ok cause my breathing sounded funny. I didn’t notice anything wrong. But do you know huw had it is to breathe normally when you are thinking about it. How hard it is to breathe at all when you are thinking about it.
No I have the added pressure of fearing someone else listening to me breathing. It’d creepy, and I don’t require any additional paranoia about my health.
So today was actually going pretty well. And then someone on the show I am watching got cancer. And I read a “10 signs you have diabetes” article and it was downhill from there. I have been panicking off and on all day.
So I am going to try a more healthy lifestyle. And again trying to put of freaking out entirely until the 12th. When I actually see a doctor
So I have a tingly buzzing feeling intermittently. It varies in location. I have Googled this. Apparently buzzing is a symptom of….Anxiety. And like almost uniquely anxiety. It’s rare even Google agrees it’s just in your head and not you dying of cancer.
And it’s getting worse as I worry about if more. Another sure sign of hypochondria. Not such a good day. Next week I am going to see about getting into counseling at school.