When I started this blog, my intention was to talk about Aspergers and my realization that this fit me. As time goes by, I realize more and more things about myself that can be attributed to the diagnosis. I have however spent significantly more of this blog discussing my health anxiety, what I have come to learn is the psychologists word for Hypochrondria.
That said, I don’t think these things are necessarily unrelated, I tend to get fixated on my ideas. While I also suffer from social anxiety, it is sadly, quite easy to hide yourself away from the world. Not doing something, though I understand makes things worse in the long run, can in the intermediate make social anxiety go away.
The problem with health anxiety is “No matter where you go, there you are” Recently due to my realization I have had all of these “stroke like” attacks while lying in bed in an odd position. One I maintain after waking up, checking my phone and falling back asleep, and while reading for extended periods after waking, in fear of having another one I have been popping right out of bed.
I have also been sleeping on my right side, which has been fairly unpleasant to do long term. I am torn between my desire to be the kind of person who gets out of bed, and gets stuff done, and my fear that like when avoiding social contact to alleviate social anxiety, in the long term, this will ultimately increase my anxiety. I may have to bring it up with my therapist next week…The therapist I still haven’t mentioned the whole aspergers thing to. In my defence it took 8 months and 2 therapists for me to just blurt out that I am a hypochondriac, so they weren’t focused on generalized anxiety but still.
Finally I wonder how much of what I have is Aspergers, and how much of it is an anxiety, ocd combo, where my health anxiety makes me think I have aspergers. Once again, my whole anxiety thing makes it hard to see what I do have and what I don’t.