Tattoo

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When all is said and done, there is is.  There are three tiny spots where they ink seems a little thick, and makes it appear minorly distorted.  But to start, it hasn’t healed.  So I am going to let it heal and then if I decide it needs a little touch up here and there I will have it done.  But that’s about 3 weeks away, so why worry about it now.  Even so, its great.  I did it.  I washed it and rubbed cream into it, it didn’t hurt.  Actually with the exception of about 2 seconds, it was a 2-3/10 with about 2-4 seconds of a 6.  10 being that time I cut open my finger on a knife in the sink.  The advantage is, unlike the knife it no longer hurts.  Sure if may hurt later, but with the size I was told it shouldn’t be so bad.  I have officially mastered my anxiety enough to book a tattoo, sit in the parlor for half an hour waiting, and then get the tattoo.  I honestly don’t think I was in a place where I could have managed that last year. Finally a point in my favor

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Post-Tattoo Panic

Ya. You would think having gone through with it the worst would be over. And it hurt way less than expected. But now i am like, this likes look ever so slightly bent. Like things on skin compared to paper. Are the lines weighted correctly. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?

Waiting

I may not be getting a tattoo after all. I was fine till they made me wait 30 minutes after my appointment was supposed to start. I am 110% anxious and about 5 mins from walking out

Last Final Panic

So I should be studying right now, but when I looked at the previous years finals and realized I had zero ability to do them I panicked.  This is probably the class I am doing the worst in, and with this final worth 40, and 25 percent of my grade unknown I am afraid I am going to fail the class.  This of course makes me panic, which is distracting my from studying for the final, the only thing that will legitimately help me pass.  I now realize that I should have gone into school today to find other students to study with, who would have been able to help me figure out what to do, but alas it’s too late now and my final is at 9am tomorrow.  Going to put in a few hours after dinner, then after that, I guess it is what it is.

Blogging Inconsistency

So if you follow this you have probably noticed I go weeks without blogging, and then I do it hourly.  That is my personality in a nutshell, everything is all or nothing.  I would love to be able to manage moderation in my life, but for me I either do it 110% or not at all.

It makes it very difficult to do things I don’t like, such as studying for the last final exam I have on Thursday, and very easy to spend the last four hours reading fanfiction laying on my arm only to realize its numb when I finally get up cause I desperately have to pee.

When it comes to doing what I don’t like, I have found the best solution is scheduling.  I always like to follow a good schedule, and if I say 45 minutes of studying, 10 minutes of housework, and a 5 minute break every hour, then I will pretty much stick to that.  Even if I check the clock every five minutes to see how long it’s been.

Which is the second reason I schedule, I have zero concept of time.  For me 1 or 10 minutes are the same, and sometimes 1 hour and 4 hours are.  I mean in general I can tell under 5 minutes from over an hour, but other that I really have no way of telling how much time has passed.  I find it makes social situations awkward when I have somewhere I have to be.  No, I don’t find you boring, I am really enjoying hearing about your view on the Harry Horcrux situation, but I have to be somewhere at 12, and though its 11:15 and I need to be 5 minutes from here, I really have to check my watch quite a bit to make sure I end up there.  Or set an alarm, but other than that, I have been late more than once for things I showed up early to because I have no linear concept of time. I know now that this is another hallmark of the autism spectrum, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling bad that I showed up 45 minutes late to someones house when I got ready 45 minutes before I had to go.

And when you don’t see me on the blog for a while, remember, its not because I forgot, or have nothing to say, it may have been two weeks, but for me, it really feels like I was just here yesterday.

Polymer Ink!

So I called, and the guy didn’t make me sound like an idiot so it was a good question.  He actually went grabbed a bottle and checked it out, it doesn’t contain nickel.  The tattoo ink is entirely polymer based, and is as hypoallergenic as a tattoo ink can be.  He did say that they used to use stuff with natural colorants, but people were allergic, especially to the red, which verifies what I read online.  There shouldn’t be any problem.  Now I just need to head out and grab some lotion and pre-test it and I should be good to go.

Yes, I know I am overthinking this, but I am letting someone stab me with a needle to permanently pigment my skin, forethought is key.

Tattoo Worries Continue

So, today I was looking up the cream I should buy, post-tattoo.  Cause I have sensitive skin, and the last thing I want is to put something on it that gives me a rash.  So as I am searching I see that some people are allergic to tattoos.  Because of the metals in the ink, and this corresponds to an allergic reaction to cheap jewelry… which I have.

Its most prevalent in red ink, and I am getting black.  And I have never actually verified what it is, like I can wear jeweler for a day, or ever multiple days before it becomes an issue.  It isn’t an issue with the back of my watch, and I also get irritation with non-metal jewelry, so it could just be a contact thing.   I kind of wish I hadn’t read this so I didn’t have to worry about this as well.

So I am going to have to call the place tomorrow and verify that I can even get a tattoo.  I mean, I don’t want to spent the rest of my life with a low level allergic reaction.

Keeping Secrets

I am the world’s worst secret keeper.  I mean I can lie now, that is a skill I didn’t get till like 20, but the advantage is when you really couldn’t tell a lie for 20 years people generally believe you are telling the truth.

I was always the kid who told people what they were getting for their birthday.  Even now I have a hard time holding back giving gifts purchased in advance.  That combined with the fact I tend to forget birthdays means I either give you your gift a month early, or forget to buy you one at all.

Right now I have a few giant secrets, and am pretty much dying to share them. The tattoo is one of them, something a friend told me another.  Anybody else have zero ability to keep their mouth shut?

My Friend(s)

My entire life I have had 1 or 2 friends.  I hit an all time high in college of 5, but that whittled down to 3 over the intervening years.  I have a really hard time making friends.  Most of my friends that I have, either approached me, or I met through other friends.  This was primarily due to my special interest/obsession over Harry Potter.  Of my remaining friends 2 are huge fans, and one is a semi-fan. The one who is a semi-fan, was really big into my broader category of special interest, Reading.  Its my hobby. It and watching TV.  Then I read stories, fantheories and fanfiction based on that TV show.

Even including family, and children of parents friends, my birthdays always maxed out at about 8 people.  I am never going to be a big people person. I have a bunch of acquaintances through my current degree, but no longer am sure on how to cross the friend boundary.  Typically they people I have kept along just did it for me at some point.

I become fairly attached to my friends. That is not to say I need to see them often, or even at all to really consider them remaining as friends.  The occasional text or Facebook message is all I actually need these days.  It was however much harder in elementary school, where people seemed to change friends all the time.  I couldn’t handle that, and it took me, I am a little embarrassed to admit, 3 years (Grades 5-6-7) to realize that people couldn’t be made to continue being friends with me.  I still look back on that and cringe as I remember not wanting to go to school because my “friends” were being mean to me.  While the manner they went about it was cruel, I often wonder if they had tried subtler kinder methods first, and found them ineffective.  After they were made to apologize to me, we were doing some friendship exercise in drawing, no I cant believe the school had us do that either and I think one of them said something and it clicked that I had basically been coming back to various people for years that didn’t want to be my friend.

So I hung out somewhere alone for a few weeks, then with another loner.  Eventually, I made a few ok friends, and moved a year later.  20 odd years later I still struggle with making/maintaining friendships, and wonder if the people I hang out with now like me, or tolerate me.

Schedule Disruptions

Like a lot of us on the spectrum I work best on a schedule.  I am of course allowed to cancel anything on my schedule at random.  Because its my schedule, and I like to procrastinate, so I like moving things to tomorrows schedule.  Other people/things however are not allowed to screw with the schedule.

My parents just showed up home 6 hours earlier than they told me and were upset I hadn’t finished cleaning the house.  I had done about 80% of it, but given I planned on working on it off and on from 1-9pm, and they showed up at 5pm to change before going out, this completely screwed with the schedule.  I am not irritatingly off pace, and don’t really have any ambition to finish. Basically I feel like my entire day was ruined,and its just such a small thing.