I am home from my grandmothers, with no falling down the stairs to report. My cold hasn’t progressed, so either it was caused by the A/C or its biding its time. Tonight I am getting ready for the next leg of my journey and while my suitcase is packed and I have things ready to go, I am of course panicking
I have my tylenol, ibuprofen, robax, immodium, gastrolyte, peptobismol, and gravol packed. I also have my extra shirt, travelling clothes (for sensory issues on the way home). I have a sweater for colder weather, a rain jacket just in case, copies of my resume, transcripts, a calculator. I printed my boarding pass, and itinerary. I am for all intents and purposes good to go.
But, what if…I get in a car accident, get a blood clot, have a stroke, get injured, fall before my interview, miss my interview, miss my flight home, get roomed with an unexpected person when I get there. I reason out the logic of each increasingly improbable event, and what I would do, but its not really working for me. My nose is running, and I am frequently running to the bathroom, my heart is racing, and I feel disassociated as the anxiety floods my body with adrenaline to fight problems that haven’t actually happened yet.
For me this is the worst part of the interview. The interview is a problem with a solution, an action that must be completed, but now, in the interim I am helpless waiting for something that cannot be predicted.