I read an article today on cracked where it made fun of people with self diagnosed Asperger’s, calling them “ass burgers” and saying how people latch onto this diagnosis cause it allows them to be spoiled brats and have everything be not there fault.  How its only real if you get a diagnosis.

I am sure, for some people that is true.  There are some people who will latch onto any passing fad.  What I have a problem with is the fact the person writing this article seems to assume that people aren’t diagnosed only because they are faking it.  That getting a diagnosis wouldn’t take a large amount of time and money.  That it doesn’t take friends and/or family coming forward and giving anecdotal evidence to support the diagnosis.

For some, like myself, it is difficult, because I have parents who don’t believe in Asperger’s, despite knowing other people who’s kids have it.  They think its a lack of discipline.  They “know” I don’t have it, because there was a 20 question check list for Autism when I was 4, and when they checked off 18 of the 20 items, the two that were left were among the “one of these two must be checked if its autism” type questionnaires. Basically I didn’t qualify for the full on autism, therefore I must be fine.

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 4.  I was given Ritalin once, my mother didn’t like the zombie effect and threw it out.  They never tried anything else.  Yesterday my mother told me there is no such thing as ADHD, the children just aren’t being disciplined properly.  I am 30 and I can’t sit or stand still.  I can’t focus on someone speaking, I lose everything I pick up and I still have problems with intense boredom, combined with too much energy.  But its not real.

There are moments when I read these articles like the one on cracked and ask myself, is it real?  Am I making it up?  I have health anxiety (hypochrondria), is this (aspergers) just another thing I have convinced myself I have?

What the people who write for cracked don’t understand is that moment.  That moment when you read an article on aspergers in girls, where it talks about not giving a shit about your appearance, or being able to fake the social skills, not being able to distinguish voices when people are talking, or walking into things, or not understanding a lot of social cues, or having problems with the phone cause you can’t tell if you should shut up.  When you read about the obsessions people have, like your 20 year obsession with reading, or the 16 years you have been devoted to harry potter, and you realize this is you.  That moment when it clicks and you get this rush of relief, because for once in your life you realize its not just you.  The fact your cried at the glasses store because it was super bright, and loud, and you had just taken the metro which is all weird lit and loud and blinding colors isn’t that odd.  That some days are good, and some days the tick of a clock, or a watch, or that leaking faucet, a flickering light will set your teeth on edge.  That you cringe at the idea of saying goodbye to some people cause you hate change, and that knowledge that they will go in for the hug and you don’t touch people, you don’t like it. That someone cleaning your room will upset you for weeks, because everything was moved just a little bit, and its all just wrong.  All of this is something, there is something that explains this, and no you are not broken.

And then you question all of it, maybe you are just a broken person with anxiety and maybe its all just in your head.  You question this all over a stupid cracked article probably written in an hour for today’s click bait article, and it makes me angry.  Angry at them for doing it, and me for falling for it.

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