So I have been trying to hold down on the anxiety, but I haven’t managed to find a job.  I have been looking since last September for when I graduated in May.  Its been a year, and everyday people ask me about it, and it causes this frisson of anxiety.  I have noticed more fear of falling down stairs, more fear about spraining ankles, and then last night an all out panic attack about whether my indigestion and shoulder pain was a heart attack.

Note: Stomach upset and arm pain are more common than chest pain in women.  But I also forgot to take my acid re-flux medication for three days and had been experiencing stomach upset for 2.  And I read in bed for an unusually long period of time two days in a row with my shoulder in a funny position.  It was bound to happen, and once that panic sparked, there wasn’t any sleeping no matter how much I could reason it away.

I wish that people who didn’t have any leads would stop asking about my job search.  The second I get a job they will know about it, and in the interim it just causes a slow increase in stress until I manage to have a panic attack.  I have head about 8 interviews so far, and the lack of response leads to enough self doubt about how I am blowing the interviews that I don’t need anyone else asking the question. Ask me about my theory on Harry Potter being a horcrux affected his relatives, don’t ask me if I have a job yet.

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