So I am on the end of a panic attack while I am writing this, ironically a few hours after saving an article on panic attacks to blog about tomorrow. An article on cracked written by someone who actually has them gives the best description ever. Including why exercise and breathing exercises often cause as much panic as the relieve.
I say this is ironic because exercise is what has me on here right now. I need to get to bed, and I was doing a little bit of running when I noticed my pulse was going very fast, then I thought “What if its a heart attack” and my pulse was through the roof. I stopped and did my deep breathing, and in about 30 seconds my pulse was down, but now I was panicking.
What if, and then I got a twinge in my shoulder, OMG, arm pain, its a heart attack. Do I have tingling in my fingers, is there tingling, yes, a jolt in one. There was a larger, more logical part of my brain saying, yes, you are asking yourself this question 3/4 times before feeling it, even now everything is fine. I am trying to to keep breathing regularly. When I stop thinking about a “symptom” for even a moment it goes away.
This is what its like with panic attacks, and I was very happy with the cracked article, as it pointed out that exercise getting the heart racing can make you feel like you are having a heart attack or stroke, or dying, and while being in shape is good and makes you less likely to freak out, getting there makes it worse sometimes. So I am supposed to be sleeping and am instead jittery on adrenaline, worrying that I will die if I go to bed right now. Resisting the urge to wake someone up to sit with me, or call 811 for health advice, or god forbid google racing pulse. Because I know all of these things will make it worse.
This is living with anxiety…..